Mini-Me

The old saying goes something to the effect that at some point in time in our lives we will begin to act like our parents in spite of ourselves.  In my daughter's case, it is happening a little earlier than expected.  At times it is almost like looking in the mirror, which can be quite frightening.  The similarities are not all physical.  Sure, she resembles me more so than she does Rusty but I am referring more to mannerisms and attitudes.  First of all, have you seen the poor child run?!  She will never go out for sports galloping along like a gazelle.  I sure hope that she takes to dance because she will be laughed right off of a softball field. 

Also, how can she possibly have developed the same nervous habit that I had at her age but have not exhibited in her presence, period?  I used to pull on/bite my lips constantly until I became old enough to wear lipstick, which is why you rarely see me without it.  I slip back into my old habit very easily, especially when I am stressed.  Addy does the same thing when she is uncomfortable with a situation.  Very strange!

She has also developed the practice of saying, "Sorry," for everything (even when her brother does something wrong, which he thinks is hilarious).  Well, I was once told that I was "the sorriest person that someone ever knew (meaning that I said, "I'm sorry," in a variety of situations, not just when apologizing)."  I guess that one she learned by example.  She also hates to be corrected because she knows that she has disappointed that person in some way.  Whenever she is disciplined that head goes down, bottom lip comes out, and the waterworks begin.  She cannot be consoled until you hug her and tell her that everything is going to be okay.  I secretly feel this way even today.

Then there are the slight OCD behaviors that she exhibits (I can't for the life of me figure out how those came into being).  Ever since she could walk, she has enjoyed lining things up along counter tops with perfect spacing in between.  The other day she had a meltdown because the piece of toilet paper that she had torn off had a rip at one end.  She refused to use it stating, "It's broken, Mommy, it's broken."  Images of little pieces of notebook paper cut out and glued over mistakes on my homework papers popped into my mind.  When it snowed back in December, all Addy could say when we went outside to play was, "It mess, Mommy, it dirty."  Poor thing, she doesn't stand a chance.

It is hard to see yourself manifested through the actions of your child.  I just pray that she acquires some of my positive traits and not just the negative ones.  Nothing like a little pressure to make you strive to be a better Mommy.

"I Want No Friends"

Resistance to change is a trait which runs strong through both the Sumner and Smith sides of the family, so our children didn't have a prayer of being spontaneous in life at all.  This characteristic is especially evident in our youngest child, Addy.  New situations evoke anxiety in her, usually manifested via looking down and hiding her face with her hand (i.e., "If I can't see you, you can't see me).  Luckily, once she becomes acclimated to a setting, the anxiety subsides and "normal" behavior emerges.  That is, until you change the situation again.  Rewind to last Sunday, which was Promotion Sunday at our church.  I had tried to prepare her for the change as best as I could, but to no avail.  She walked confidently into the preschool wing of our church as is typical on Sunday morning and strutted down the hallway until we came to a stop in front of her new classroom, which is down the hall from her previous one.  As I started signing her in, Addy grabbed my hand and started pulling me in the direction of her old room.  I tried to distract her by saying, "Look, all of your friends are in this room," to which Addy replied, "I want no friends.  I want my class!"  Luckily, one of her teachers from last year was in the room.  She held out her arms and Addy quickly wrapped her arms around her neck and clung for dear life.  I assume that after I headed off to the service that she rallied as I never received the dreaded "page."  By the time that I picked her up, she was as happy as a lark.  I guess that she decided that she does need friends after all, however  I am not looking forward to the Sunday when she realizes that her best buddy, Haley is no longer in her class.

"A Little Too Close To Home"

It is at the encouragement of my dear husband that I am even writing this blog.  I guess that it is only appropriate that I, as "an officer's wife" write my first blog about something that impacted me in that role today.  This morning began like any other...get up, brush teeth, wash face, put on make-up, get dressed, fix hair, eat breakfast, out the door.  I was driving my normal route to work, enjoying a relatively traffic-free commute.  I had just started moving over into the right-hand lane to exit onto Beltway 8 when I looked over and saw Grace Community Church.  Normally the parking lot is devoid of cars at this time of the morning but not today.  Now, I am not one to watch the news (much to my "news-junkie" family's chagrin).  I gave it up when Rusty entered the academy.  I simply did not want to be reminded of all of the "danger" that my husband (and younger sister) would be facing while protecting and serving.  I can honestly say that I am the better for it.  Rusty informs me of the major events that happen and I save myself a lot of needless worry over things that I cannot control.  All that to say, I did not know what was to take place at the church today but all I had to do was look at the multiple rows of Pasadena police vehicles to know that the funeral for the officer who was slain last week was soon to take place.  The sight was almost more than I could bear.  God has always given me a divine sense of peace regarding the perils of Rusty's job but there are occasions, such as this morning when the danger becomes all too real for me.  I began to cry, not just a couple of tears but uncontrolled sobs as I thought about his poor widow and their two precious daughters who had just lost the most important person in their lives.  In a rare instance, I thought about how easily I could be in his wife's shoes never being able to feel the warmth of her husband's embrace or hear him whisper, "I love you."  I quickly dismissed those thoughts as they are too painful to bear, and I said a prayer asking God to guide them through this day and all of the difficult ones to come.   I regained my composure so that my new faculty members would not think that I had completely lost my mind and went through the motions of the remainder of my day.

I am very proud of Rusty and the role that he plays in keeping the community of Houston safe for its residents.  I know that he is a gifted officer and a true asset to the force.  I also know that I would be lost if anything ever happened to him.  Today only made that fact all the more clear.  I love him and have to trust God to watch over him when he leaves our home every evening.  I think that it would be appropriate to close with the prayer that Austin and I say for him on the nights that we pray together..."Lord, please watch over Daddy as he goes to work.  Keep him safe and bring him home to us in the morning.  Amen."